As I move into my fifth year of Motherhood, I think back and reflect on the journey so far. Would I change some things? Sure. Do I have regrets? Of course. The funny thing is not one of these regrets are about the way myself & my Husband have raised my daughter. Honestly I wouldn’t change a thing about how we parent her. My deepest, darkest regrets are how I have treated myself. The words I have repeated in my head daily to bring myself down. The sleep I have lost over not feeling good enough as a Mother. The tears I have cried because I feel guilty all the freaking time.
Hindsight can be such a bastard, can’t it? But from the bad comes the good, a chance for a do-over and a clear perspective.
When I look back and think about the way I have treated myself emotionally, the words I have chanted over and over again I think “F#*k, I wouldn’t even be friends with me”.
One day I looked at my daughter, like really looked at her and thought all I really want is for her to be empowered by herself, be strong in who she is and believe that she is pure magic.
Shit! I want her to be learning this from me not some teenage magazine. I should be showing her the path to self love in every single way.
All I ever felt as a new mother was vulnerable.
No one ever told me it’s ok to feel this way and no one ever told me it was ok to practice self love and love yourself so fiercely that it drips off you like beads of sweat.
To say kind things to yourself and to mentor yourself when those shitty arse days of Mothering slap you right in the face. Twice.
So, I will no longer tell myself I am a shit Mum. I will no longer cry to my husband about the guilt I have not feeling adequate enough and I will no longer complain about the challenge that is Motherhood (especially not before coffee is consumed).
So if you see me loving myself crazy, being my true self and having my own back, no it’s not because I’m some self righteous bitch on the internet, it’s because I love my daughter more than she will ever know.